User-written IELTS example

Writing Academic Task 1 Band 9.0 Example

Original task prompt, user essay, band score, and related examples in the same report workspace.

172 words AcademicTask 1Process Diagram

Task 1

Illustrative target band for this original model answer.

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Ideas to explore

Describe the process as a sequence from the farm to retail, rather than treating the products as unrelated items.
Mention the cold-storage stage and daily tanker delivery as important links between milking and dairy processing.
Distinguish the two visible product outcomes: pasteurized, packaged milk and cheese, cream and butter.

Suggested structure

Introduce what the diagram depicts.
Give an overview of the start, end and main phases.
Describe milking, refrigerated storage and tanker delivery in sequence.
Explain the outputs at the dairy and finish with transport to shops.

Useful vocabulary & examples

refrigerated storage: a cooled place where milk is kept before further processing or transport
The milk is transferred to refrigerated storage after the cows are milked.
daily tanker delivery: milk being transported by tanker once each day
A tanker collects the stored milk for daily delivery to the dairy.
pasteurized and packaged: heat-treated to make it safer, then put into containers for sale
Some of the milk is pasteurized and packaged as drinking milk.
offered for sale: made available for customers to buy
The finished dairy products are transported to shops and offered for sale.

Task Prompt

The diagram shows the process by which milk and related products are produced.

User Essay Analysis

Review the public answer with report-style highlights.

Band 9.0

The diagram illustrates the stages involved in the production and distribution of milk and other dairy products. The process begins with cows grazing on pasture, which are then milked by a machine twice daily. The fresh milk is stored in refrigeration units to maintain its quality before being collected. A milk tanker delivers the milk to the dairy each day, where it enters the next stage. Overall, this is a linear process that starts with cows and ends with milk and dairy products being sold in shops. At the dairy, the milk is processed along two routes. Some is pasteurised and packaged in containers, while the remainder is used to make cheese, cream and butter. Both routes take place at the dairy. The diagram shows these products being prepared separately from packaged milk. The packaged milk is then transported to supermarkets and other shops for sale to consumers. Thus, milk is collected daily and converted either into packaged drinking milk or into a range of other dairy products before reaching retail outlets.

Targeted Improvement Tips

Add a brief overview immediately after the introduction, identifying the start, the dairy-processing stage and the final retail destination.

Check relative clauses for clear antecedents; in particular, rewrite “which are then milked” so that the cows, not the pasture, are clearly the subject.

Describe the two outputs in parallel: some milk is pasteurised and packaged, while the rest is used to make cheese, cream and butter.

AI Feedback

Overall Band

9.0

Excellent

Words

172

Type

Process Diagram

Criteria Breakdown

Task Achievement

8.5 Band

The answer covers the main stages shown, from cows grazing and twice-daily machine milking to refrigeration, daily tanker collection, dairy processing and retail sale. It also distinguishes pasteurised, packaged milk from cheese, cream and butter. The overview beginning “Overall, this is a linear process” identifies the process’s direction and outcomes. For greater precision, keep the overview concise and avoid adding purposes or details that the diagram does not explicitly show.

Coherence & Cohesion

8.0 Band

The sequence is easy to follow, with clear links such as “before being collected” and “At the dairy”. The description also separates the dairy’s two processing routes. However, the overview appears after the tanker has already been introduced, and “Both routes take place at the dairy” repeats information from the preceding sentence. Put the overview before the stage-by-stage account and remove that repeated sentence to make the progression more efficient.

Lexical Resource

8.0 Band

The answer uses appropriate process vocabulary, including “refrigeration units”, “pasteurised”, “packaged” and “retail outlets”. These terms help distinguish storage, processing and distribution. Some wording is less concise, particularly “the stages involved in the production and distribution of”, and “milk and dairy products” is repeated several times. Use a few precise alternatives, such as “processing” or “dairy goods”, while retaining the diagram’s specific product names.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

7.5 Band

There is good control of passive forms in “is stored” and “is transported”, alongside longer sentences that connect stages. One genuine grammatical problem occurs in “cows grazing on pasture, which are then milked”: the relative pronoun appears to refer to “pasture”, rather than to the cows. Rewrite this as a coordinated clause (“cows graze … and are then milked”). Check pronoun references in other long sentences as a final editing step.

Topic Band Distribution

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