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Writing Academic Task 1 Band 6.0 Example

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156 words AcademicTask 1Process Diagram

Task 1

Illustrative target band for this original model answer.

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Ideas to explore

Describe the process as a sequence from the farm to retail, rather than treating the products as unrelated items.
Mention the cold-storage stage and daily tanker delivery as important links between milking and dairy processing.
Distinguish the two visible product outcomes: pasteurized, packaged milk and cheese, cream and butter.

Suggested structure

Introduce what the diagram depicts.
Give an overview of the start, end and main phases.
Describe milking, refrigerated storage and tanker delivery in sequence.
Explain the outputs at the dairy and finish with transport to shops.

Useful vocabulary & examples

refrigerated storage: a cooled place where milk is kept before further processing or transport
The milk is transferred to refrigerated storage after the cows are milked.
daily tanker delivery: milk being transported by tanker once each day
A tanker collects the stored milk for daily delivery to the dairy.
pasteurized and packaged: heat-treated to make it safer, then put into containers for sale
Some of the milk is pasteurized and packaged as drinking milk.
offered for sale: made available for customers to buy
The finished dairy products are transported to shops and offered for sale.

Task Prompt

The diagram shows the process by which milk and related products are produced.

User Essay Analysis

Review the public answer with report-style highlights.

Band 6.0

The diagram gives information on how milk has been manufactured in a factory and how animal products are made. Overall, the process consists of seven main stages, beginning from the milk collection to the commercial distribution. First, sufficient grass is required to feed the cows so a significant amount of milk can be produced by the cows. They are milked by machine twice a day, and the milk is kept in refrigerated storage. A milk tanker collects it daily and takes it to a dairy. At the dairy, the milk is pasteurised and packaged. Some of this milk is then sent to supermarkets and shops. The dairy also produces cheese, cream and butter from milk. Thus, the process moves from grazing and milking at the farm to refrigeration, transport and processing at the dairy, before the finished products are ready for distribution. The diagram therefore shows both packaged milk and several other dairy products as outputs.

Targeted Improvement Tips

Rewrite the overview to state the start, main processing route and final outputs without claiming an exact number of stages unless you can identify each one clearly.

Describe the farm sequence in order: cows graze, they are milked twice daily, the milk is refrigerated, and a tanker takes it to the dairy each day.

Use the diagram’s specific terms—pasteurised, packaged, cheese, cream and butter—and avoid adding quantities or requirements that are not labelled.

AI Feedback

Overall Band

6.0

Competent

Words

156

Type

Process Diagram

Criteria Breakdown

Task Achievement

6.0 Band

The answer covers the main stages, including cows being “milked by machine twice a day,” refrigerated storage, daily tanker transport and dairy processing. It also identifies packaged milk and “cheese, cream and butter” as outputs. However, “animal products” is too broad for the diagram, and “sufficient grass” and a “significant amount” suggest quantities the visual does not provide. Use precise process labels and report only what is shown.

Coherence & Cohesion

6.0 Band

The sequence is generally easy to follow: “First” introduces the farm stage, and the answer then moves through storage, transport and processing to distribution. The final sentence reinforces the two types of output. However, the opening overview’s “beginning from … to” construction is unclear, and the closing summary repeats much of the sequence. Make the overview concise, then use one ordered paragraph for the stages and avoid restating them at the end.

Lexical Resource

6.0 Band

Useful process vocabulary includes “refrigerated storage,” “pasteurised and packaged,” and “commercial distribution,” which helps describe the diagram’s stages. Some wording is imprecise: “animal products” does not name the dairy goods, and “manufactured in a factory” is less suitable than describing milk as processed at a dairy. Replace vague or embellished phrases with the diagram’s terms, such as grazing, milking, tanker delivery and dairy products.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

5.5 Band

The answer uses passive forms appropriately in “are milked by machine” and “is pasteurised and packaged,” and its later sentences are mostly controlled. The opening phrase “beginning from the milk collection to the commercial distribution” has a faulty pairing of prepositions; use “beginning with … and ending with …”. Also, “milk has been manufactured” is an awkward tense and verb choice for a process diagram. Review parallel phrasing and use the present simple for general stages.

Topic Band Distribution

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Writing Academic Task 1 Band 6.0 Example

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