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Writing Academic Task 1 Band 5.0 Example

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184 words AcademicTask 1Process Diagram

Task 1

Illustrative target band for this original model answer.

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Ideas to explore

Describe the process as a sequence from the farm to retail, rather than treating the products as unrelated items.
Mention the cold-storage stage and daily tanker delivery as important links between milking and dairy processing.
Distinguish the two visible product outcomes: pasteurized, packaged milk and cheese, cream and butter.

Suggested structure

Introduce what the diagram depicts.
Give an overview of the start, end and main phases.
Describe milking, refrigerated storage and tanker delivery in sequence.
Explain the outputs at the dairy and finish with transport to shops.

Useful vocabulary & examples

refrigerated storage: a cooled place where milk is kept before further processing or transport
The milk is transferred to refrigerated storage after the cows are milked.
daily tanker delivery: milk being transported by tanker once each day
A tanker collects the stored milk for daily delivery to the dairy.
pasteurized and packaged: heat-treated to make it safer, then put into containers for sale
Some of the milk is pasteurized and packaged as drinking milk.
offered for sale: made available for customers to buy
The finished dairy products are transported to shops and offered for sale.

Task Prompt

The diagram shows the process by which milk and related products are produced.

User Essay Analysis

Review the public answer with report-style highlights.

Band 5.0

The graph below demonstrates how milk and milk containing goods are manufactured. Overall, production of milk products is cyclical process which repeats every day, which includes milking of cows couple times a day and using this milk to produce goods for sale. Process is in 7 stages and main part of it is executed in the dairy. First, cows graze in fields, and they are milked by machine twice a day. The milk is then transferred in a tanker, which delivers it to the dairy every day. At the dairy, it is kept in refrigerated storage before being processed. Some of the milk is made into cheese, cream and butter, while another portion is pasteurised and packaged. Finally, the packaged milk and other dairy products are sent to supermarkets and shops for sale. These stages show that the milk is handled in two different ways after it reaches the dairy: it can be made into other products, or treated and packed as milk. The process therefore starts with cows and ends with products being available for sale, with milking and delivery taking place regularly.

Targeted Improvement Tips

Write a one-sentence overview that identifies the start and end points and notes the two ways milk is processed at the dairy.

Describe the stages in diagram order: grazing and milking, tanker delivery, refrigeration, processing or packaging, and retail distribution.

Check every singular countable noun for an article, and revise unnatural phrases such as “milk containing goods” before submitting.

AI Feedback

Overall Band

5.0

Modest

Words

184

Type

Process Diagram

Criteria Breakdown

Task Achievement

5.0 Band

You identify the process as cyclical and include the main stages, from cows being milked to products reaching shops. The phrase “main part of it is executed in the dairy” is too general, though, and the sequence initially lacks detail. Explain what happens there: milk is refrigerated, then made into cheese, cream and butter or pasteurised and packaged. This would make the overview and stage coverage more informative.

Coherence & Cohesion

5.0 Band

The response follows a broadly logical order, using “First,” “then” and “Finally” to guide the reader through the process. However, the opening overview repeats the idea of a daily cycle, and “These stages show” restates information already given. Improve progression by separating a concise overview from the detailed stages, then describe each stage once in the order shown, including the branch into different dairy products.

Lexical Resource

5.0 Band

The answer uses relevant process vocabulary, including “refrigerated storage,” “pasteurised” and “packaged,” and names the outputs shown in the diagram. “Milk containing goods” is an unnatural way to describe these products, while “goods for sale” is less precise than a term such as dairy products. Prefer accurate collocations such as “dairy products” and “milk is transported by tanker” to make the description clearer and more natural.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

4.5 Band

Several sentences communicate the sequence clearly, but the opening contains noticeable article and phrasing errors: “is cyclical process” needs an article, and “cows couple times a day” is missing one too. “Process is in 7 stages” is also awkwardly formed. Proofread for articles and sentence structure; for example, use “a cyclical process” and “cows are milked a couple of times a day.”

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Writing Academic Task 1 Band 5.0 Example

Plan your answer

Ideas to explore

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Task Prompt

User Essay Analysis

Targeted Improvement Tips

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