User-written IELTS example

Writing Academic Task 1 Band 4.0 Example

Original task prompt, user essay, band score, and related examples in the same report workspace.

194 words AcademicTask 1Bar Chart

Task 1

Illustrative target band for this original model answer.

Plan your answer

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Ideas to explore

Compare the sexes by age band: men have the higher rate only among 15–24-year-olds.
Describe the contrasting patterns: the male rate falls to a low among 35–44-year-olds before recovering, while the female rate rises to a plateau above 50% from ages 35 to 64.
Highlight the endpoint: the two rates are almost equal among people aged 65 and over.

Suggested structure

Introduce the chart, population, measure, age groups, and year.
Give an overview of the main gender contrast and the near-equal oldest-group figures.
Describe the male figures across the age groups, noting the low and later recovery.
Describe the female figures, noting the rise and peak, then compare the oldest group.

Useful vocabulary & examples

participation rate: The percentage of a group taking part in an activity.
The male participation rate reached its lowest point among 35–44-year-olds.
reach a low: Fall to the smallest value in the figures being discussed.
The figure for men reached a low of roughly 39% in the 35–44 age group.
peak at: Reach the highest value in a set of figures.
Female participation peaked at approximately 53% in two age groups.
remain almost level: Be very similar, with only a small difference.
The male and female rates remained almost level among those aged 65 and over.

Task Prompt

The bar chart below shows the percentage of Australian men and women in different age groups who did regular physical activity in 2010.

User Essay Analysis

Review the public answer with report-style highlights.

Band 4.0

The provided bar graph illustrates the number of Australian men and women in six various age groups who did daily physical activity in the year 2010. Overall, it can be seen that, women showed majority of the highest numbers in these five out of six age groups, whereas, the men depicted only one highest number. Looking at the details, men aged 15 to 24 had the highest figure for males, at about 52%. For this group, the female figure was lower, at around 48%. In the 25 to 34 group, women were at nearly 49%, while men were about 42%. The biggest difference was in the 35 to 44 group, where female activity was approximately 52% and male activity was close to 39%. Women also had around 53% in both the 45 to 54 and 55 to 64 groups. The male figures for these ages were lower, at roughly 43% and 45%. Finally, in the oldest group, the two percentages were almost the same: about 46% for men and 47% for women. This shows that men were more active only among the youngest people, and the percentages became closer in the last age group.

Targeted Improvement Tips

Correct the introduction to identify the figures as percentages of people doing regular physical activity, not numbers doing daily activity.

Write one clear overview sentence stating that women had higher rates in five age groups and men led only among 15-to-24-year-olds.

Group the detailed comparisons into two age ranges and use consistent approximate percentages to make the trends easier to compare.

AI Feedback

Overall Band

4.0

Modest

Words

194

Type

Bar Chart

Criteria Breakdown

Task Achievement

5.0 Band

The overview correctly notes that women had higher activity rates in five of the six groups, and the continuation reports all six comparisons with reasonable approximate values. However, the opening calls the figures “the number” and says “daily” activity, although the chart shows percentages doing regular activity. For greater accuracy, name the measure correctly in the introduction and make sure the overview describes the main trend without repeating it.

Coherence & Cohesion

5.0 Band

The response moves from an overview to age-by-age details, and “Finally, in the oldest group” clearly signals the last comparison. Its progression is easy to follow, though the overview’s phrase “whereas, the men depicted only one highest number” is awkward and the details read as one long block. Use a concise overview, then group the younger ages and older ages into separate paragraphs.

Lexical Resource

4.0 Band

The answer uses relevant terms such as “percentages” and “activity,” and it gives approximate figures clearly. However, “six various age groups,” “showed majority,” and “highest numbers” are not natural or precise ways to describe this chart; “figure” is also repeated. Replace these with accurate chart language such as “six age groups,” “recorded higher rates,” and “percentage.”

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

4.0 Band

Many short detail sentences are understandable, including “The male figures for these ages were lower.” The opening, however, contains several noticeable problems: “it can be seen that, women” has incorrect punctuation, while “women showed majority” lacks an article and “the men depicted only one highest number” is not grammatical. Practise article use and sentence punctuation, then check each overview sentence for a clear subject and verb.

Topic Band Distribution

Band 9.03 examples

Band 8.03 examples

Band 7.03 examples

Band 6.02 examples

Band 5.03 examples

Band 4.03 examples

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