User-written IELTS example

Writing Academic Task 1 Band 9.0 Example

Original task prompt, user essay, band score, and related examples in the same report workspace.

165 words AcademicTask 1Process Diagram

Task 1

Illustrative target band for this original model answer.

Plan your answer

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Ideas to explore

The process has two parallel preparation routes: one for potatoes and one for fresh salmon.
The diagram gives different time limits for the ingredients: potatoes may be held for up to one month, while salmon is processed within 12 hours or less.
After preparation, the ingredients meet at assembly; the pies are wrapped, frozen, stored and dispatched.

Suggested structure

Paraphrase the process title and give an overview of the separate ingredient routes and their convergence.
Describe the potato preparation sequence in diagram order, including its stated storage period.
Describe the salmon route, including the seasoning, cooking, removal of skin and bones, and inspection.
Explain assembly and finish with wrapping, freezing, storage and dispatch.

Useful vocabulary & examples

be kept for up to one month: to remain in storage for no longer than a month
The potatoes may be kept for up to one month before they are cleaned.
be stripped of its skin and bones: to have the outer skin and bones removed
After cooking, the salmon is stripped of its skin and bones.
converge at assembly: to come together at the stage where components are combined
The potato and salmon preparation routes converge at assembly.
be dispatched: to be sent out from a place to its destination
The frozen pies are stored before they are dispatched.

Task Prompt

The diagram give information about the manufacture of frozen fish pies.

User Essay Analysis

Review the public answer with report-style highlights.

Band 9.0

The diagram illustrates the process of manufacturing fish pies. Overall, the production involves both manual and automated labor to streamline the workflow. A variety of ingredients are used to enhance the flavor of the pies, and equipment such as a steam oven and a freezer supports different stages of the process. First, potatoes – one of the main ingredients – are delivered up to one month before production. They are then cleaned, peeled and sliced before being boiled and chilled. The cooked potatoes are stored until needed. Fresh salmon, by contrast, is delivered no more than 12 hours before processing. It is seasoned with lemon juice and salt, then cooked in a steam oven. The fish is subsequently stripped of its skin and bones and inspected. Meanwhile, prepared peas and sauce are made ready. The inspected salmon and these additions are combined with the stored potatoes, and the mixture is wrapped to form individual pies. Finally, the wrapped pies are frozen and moved to storage or dispatch.

Targeted Improvement Tips

Replace the current overview with one sentence stating that potatoes and salmon are prepared separately, then brought together before the pies are wrapped and frozen.

Check each statement about purpose or method against the diagram; avoid claims about flavor enhancement or automation unless the visual explicitly supports them.

Make comparisons precise: distinguish the potatoes’ delivery window of up to one month from the salmon’s delivery window of 12 hours or less.

AI Feedback

Overall Band

9.0

Excellent

Words

165

Type

Process Diagram

Criteria Breakdown

Task Achievement

7.0 Band

The continuation covers the key stages and both ingredient routes, including “delivered up to one month” and the salmon’s preparation before the ingredients are combined. However, the overview’s claim about “manual and automated labor” is not shown in the diagram, and the opening focuses on flavor rather than the main process. Next, make the overview summarize the separate preparation routes and their convergence.

Coherence & Cohesion

7.5 Band

The sequence is easy to follow: “First,” “by contrast,” “Meanwhile,” and “Finally” guide the reader from potato preparation through to freezing. The contrast between the potato and salmon timelines also helps distinguish the two routes. The overview could orient the reader more clearly before the details. Next, use a short overview that previews both routes and their combination, then retain the chronological order used here.

Lexical Resource

7.0 Band

Process vocabulary is suitably specific in phrases such as “peeled and sliced,” “stripped of its skin and bones,” and “wrapped to form individual pies.” Some opening wording, including “enhance the flavor” and “streamline the workflow,” describes purpose or effect that the diagram does not establish. Next, favour precise action verbs and labels for the visible stages, rather than inferred benefits.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

7.5 Band

The answer uses accurate passive constructions, for example, “are delivered,” “is seasoned,” and “are combined,” which suit a process description. Longer sentences also connect stages clearly without obscuring their order. The opening sentence about labor is a broad claim rather than a grammatical problem. Next, keep the effective passive forms while varying sentence openings and checking that each overview statement is directly supported by the diagram.

Topic Band Distribution

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