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Writing Academic Task 1 Band 9.0 Example

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173 words AcademicTask 1Process Diagram

Task 1

Illustrative target band for this original model answer.

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Ideas to explore

The process has two parallel preparation routes: one for potatoes and one for fresh salmon.
The diagram gives different time limits for the ingredients: potatoes may be held for up to one month, while salmon is processed within 12 hours or less.
After preparation, the ingredients meet at assembly; the pies are wrapped, frozen, stored and dispatched.

Suggested structure

Paraphrase the process title and give an overview of the separate ingredient routes and their convergence.
Describe the potato preparation sequence in diagram order, including its stated storage period.
Describe the salmon route, including the seasoning, cooking, removal of skin and bones, and inspection.
Explain assembly and finish with wrapping, freezing, storage and dispatch.

Useful vocabulary & examples

be kept for up to one month: to remain in storage for no longer than a month
The potatoes may be kept for up to one month before they are cleaned.
be stripped of its skin and bones: to have the outer skin and bones removed
After cooking, the salmon is stripped of its skin and bones.
converge at assembly: to come together at the stage where components are combined
The potato and salmon preparation routes converge at assembly.
be dispatched: to be sent out from a place to its destination
The frozen pies are stored before they are dispatched.

Task Prompt

The diagram give information about the manufacture of frozen fish pies.

User Essay Analysis

Review the public answer with report-style highlights.

Band 9.0

The diagrams illustrate the manufacturing process of frozen fish pies, showing the preparation stages for each ingredient and how they are combined before storage and distribution. Overall, the production of frozen fish pies involves multiple steps that begin with the delivery and preparation of potatoes and fresh salmon. The process continues with the combination of the ingredients to form the pies. First, potatoes are delivered and may be kept for up to one month before they are cleaned, peeled and sliced. The slices are boiled and then chilled, after which they are stored for use later in the line. Separately, fresh salmon is delivered within 12 hours or less. Lemon juice and salt are added, and the fish is cooked in a steam oven. Its skin and bones are then removed before the fish is inspected. Prepared peas and sauce are added at the next stage, while the prepared potato pieces join the fish, peas and sauce to form each pie. Finally, the pies are wrapped, frozen and sent to storage or dispatch.

Targeted Improvement Tips

Revise the overview to identify two parallel preparation lines—potatoes and salmon—and say that they converge during pie assembly.

Use the diagram’s exact time details in the relevant stages: potatoes can be kept for up to one month, while fresh salmon is delivered within 12 hours or less.

Replace broad references such as “the ingredients” with the named components when describing assembly, then check that the final stages include wrapping, freezing and storage or dispatch.

AI Feedback

Overall Band

9.0

Excellent

Words

173

Type

Process Diagram

Criteria Breakdown

Task Achievement

8.0 Band

The response covers the two ingredient streams and the key stages, from “delivery and preparation of potatoes and fresh salmon” through wrapping, freezing and dispatch. It also includes both timing details shown in the diagram. A small accuracy refinement is needed: the visual is one process diagram, so “diagrams” is imprecise. Next, state explicitly in the overview that the potato and fish preparations happen in parallel before the ingredients are assembled.

Coherence & Cohesion

8.0 Band

The overview signals the process, and “First” and “Separately” make the potato and salmon sequences easy to distinguish. The final sentences then bring the ingredients together and complete the sequence with wrapping and freezing. The transition from the overview’s “combination” to the detailed steps could be more explicit. Next, use a clear contrast marker such as “Meanwhile” for the second preparation line and a transition such as “Once both are ready” for assembly.

Lexical Resource

8.0 Band

Specific process verbs such as “peeled,” “sliced,” “chilled” and “inspected” communicate the production stages efficiently, while “up to one month” and “12 hours or less” report the diagram’s timings. “The combination of the ingredients” is less precise than the rest of the vocabulary. Next, name the items being brought together—potatoes, fish, peas and sauce—rather than relying on a general reference to “ingredients.”

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

8.0 Band

The completed response uses accurate passive forms, including “are boiled” and “are added,” which suit a process description, and it combines clauses to show sequence and timing. The sentences are generally controlled and clear. Some sentence openings rely on simple sequencing words, and “The diagrams” refers to the visual inaccurately, although its subject–verb agreement is correct. Next, vary sentence structures while keeping each production step unambiguous.

Topic Band Distribution

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Writing Academic Task 1 Band 9.0 Example

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