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User-written IELTS example

Writing Academic Task 1 Band 8.0 Example

Original task prompt, user essay, band score, and related examples in the same report workspace.

169 words AcademicTask 1Process Diagram
Task 1

Illustrative target band for this original model answer.

Plan your answer

Try your own response before reading the samples.

Ideas to explore

  • The process has two parallel preparation routes: one for potatoes and one for fresh salmon.
  • The diagram gives different time limits for the ingredients: potatoes may be held for up to one month, while salmon is processed within 12 hours or less.
  • After preparation, the ingredients meet at assembly; the pies are wrapped, frozen, stored and dispatched.

Suggested structure

  1. Paraphrase the process title and give an overview of the separate ingredient routes and their convergence.
  2. Describe the potato preparation sequence in diagram order, including its stated storage period.
  3. Describe the salmon route, including the seasoning, cooking, removal of skin and bones, and inspection.
  4. Explain assembly and finish with wrapping, freezing, storage and dispatch.
Useful vocabulary & examples
be kept for up to one month
to remain in storage for no longer than a month

The potatoes may be kept for up to one month before they are cleaned.

be stripped of its skin and bones
to have the outer skin and bones removed

After cooking, the salmon is stripped of its skin and bones.

converge at assembly
to come together at the stage where components are combined

The potato and salmon preparation routes converge at assembly.

be dispatched
to be sent out from a place to its destination

The frozen pies are stored before they are dispatched.

Task Prompt

The diagram give information about the manufacture of frozen fish pies.
IELTS Writing Task 1 visual

User Essay Analysis

Review the public answer with report-style highlights.

Band 8.0

The diagrams provide a detailed overview of the manufacturing process of frozen fish pies. The process encompasses several stages, beginning with the preparation of the ingredients and culminating in the packaging of the finished product. In the first stage, potatoes are delivered, cleaned, peeled, and sliced. These potato slices are then boiled and stored until they are needed in production, after being chilled. Meanwhile, fresh salmon is delivered within 12 hours or less and processed on a separate line. Lemon juice and salt are added before the salmon is cooked in a steam oven. The cooked fish is then stripped of its skin and bones and inspected. Prepared peas and sauce are added, followed by the stored potato slices, and the ingredients are wrapped to make pies. These are frozen before being placed in storage for dispatch. Overall, the production involves two ingredient streams that converge before wrapping and freezing. Potatoes can be stored for up to one month, while fresh salmon is processed within 12 hours or less.

Targeted Improvement Tips

1
Move the overall summary to the paragraph opening and state that potato and salmon preparation form separate streams that later converge.
2
Make the potato sequence unambiguous: say that the slices are boiled, chilled, and then stored for up to one month.
3
At the point where the lines meet, name the components—salmon, peas, sauce, and potato slices—instead of referring generally to “the ingredients.”

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